Association of Female Executives of Trinidad and Tobago

Dear AFETT,
I feel as if I drowning in commitments, activities and ‘stuff’- my life feels totally cluttered. Any advice?

Maggie

Dear Maggie,
The average female professional lives a very cluttered life. We have too much "stuff" in our homes, too many commitments on our calendars, and our kids are involved in too many activities. All of this clutter is weighing us down and when you consider that in order for all these things to be completed they must be organized, planned and prepped for, its no mystery why we can be so stressed.

Even more worrying is the fact that many of us in this situation continue to add more. We buy more things that we don't have room to store, we volunteer for more committees, and we let our kids find another sport to play.

The ideal solution to this predicament would be to advise you to spend some time clearing space in your life. Take a weekend to de-clutter your house. Reduce all of your involvement to the 3 things that support your personal and professional goals the most. And limit your children to 2 activities each.

However I think that advice would fall on deaf ears, so instead I suggest you simplify your life by just refusing to take on anything that is not critical, going to add value or help you achieve your goals. Here are 3 ways to say No:

1. Just Say No. This is the simplest method. Whenever someone asks you to do something nicely say No. No explanations are needed. No is a complete sentence. This also includes saying No to yourself when you're out shopping or looking to start new projects. You must be consistent and you will discover how empowering it can be.

I said No recently, for the first time, when asked to work on a project and was surprised that the recipient did not take offense. Especially when I gave her the names of two or three other people that should have been willing or able to serve in my stead.

2. Let me get back to you. This allows you to put some distance between yourself and the requestor. Often we say Yes because we feel pressured, but by offering to get back to the individual at later date or time, you create some breathing room that makes it easier for you to say No. However, if someone is pressing you for an immediate answer, then it is in your best interest to say No on the spot. If the situation is urgent enough that it requires an immediate answer, you may want to avoid getting involved.

3. No, but I can do something else. This option is excellent if you really want to help an individual but you know your time is limited. For example, someone asks you "Can you bring homemade cookies to the fundraiser on Saturday?" You answer: "No, but I will stop by the bakery and buy some." See the difference? A positive outcome but with less input from you. And what a relief that on top of everything else, you won’t have to bake cookies at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning!

Written by:
Lara Quentrall-Thomas Managing Director Regency Recruitment Founding Member and First President of AFETT
July 26th 2005